To my cats, Cookie and Pip. This has nothing to do with how I feel about you guys.

I take that back. Pip, this has everything to do with how I feel about you because you’re the reason I thought of this.
Hear me out, as weird as this sounds. All the issues with world leaders abusing their power would be fixed if those leaders were cats. Cats are already perceived as evil. Supervillains in movies wouldn’t slowly turn around in their chair with a cat in their hands if people didn’t think so. If these leaders destroying the world were born as the furry, clawed, domesticated species, we’d all be better off.
Think of a world leader — Pres. Donald Trump for example. He’d be a disheveled orange Persian cat with crusty tear stains that build up over time. That man is always in the news, constantly saying the most shocking things and spewing out executive orders at a pace that the American government has never seen before.

I get it. The news churns out stories about more shocking topics. It’s like me taking pictures of my cats. Of course, Cookie is an adorable old man, but he just sits on the couch and pulls out all his fur. He’s a Democrat.

Pip, on the other hand, is stone-cold MAGA. Sometimes she’ll sit at the top of the stereo next to my family’s little Jesus doll in the living room. She also rips off the cover of the cat perch to try and eat the foam underneath. Taking pictures of Pip in crazy scenarios is just like when the news publishes stories about the president’s outrageous actions.

If Trump were a cat, he wouldn’t be trying to buy Greenland. Instead, my camera roll would be flooded with pictures of him trying to go to the bathroom in our kitchen sink. (Pip would like me to mention that she was in heat when she did that. I suppose that right there is enough proof that women are too emotional to be in office.)

North Korean leader Kim Jong Un would be a Scottish Fold and Russian President Vladimir Putin would be a Sphynx. These two are always threatening to wage war. Most of the time, the threats never amount to anything serious.

If they were cats, this would be so much simpler.

Waging war as a cat would look something like Pip slowly pushing my glass of water to the edge of the coffee table. If she does knock it over, it causes a mess, but it’s not the end of the world.

If Putin and Kim were cats, they wouldn’t be threatening to drop nukes onto different countries. They could simply go use the litter box and kick stuff around until it somehow ends up on the floor.

(Pip would also like me to tell you that she hasn’t done that since I got a cover for her box.)

This plan is foolproof! Every horrible proposal and threat could just be equated with regular cat antics. Knocking the Christmas tree over. Climbing on the curtains. Attacking the printer. The life-threatening bills and actions being made in office would be wiped out if all these world leaders were cats.

And if they don’t listen, who cares? Cats aren’t going to cause an insurrection if they don’t get their way. They’re going to jump onto the kitchen counter after I just told them to get down from there.

If all else fails, if you really don’t like what the world leaders are doing, you could always whip out that laser-pointer.